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Hagerstown's premier-by-default classic rock station is "The Eagle", 105.9 FM. All the standards--America to Zeppelin, Led--blare from it. Chunks of ad-free rock are separated by segments trying to sell you something, tell you something, scare you, dare you, amuse you, bemuse you. It is the station of choice at my job.

The Mason Dixon Auto bit always makes me tremble, as it features a woman hurriedly reciting the standard rules/regulations/restrictions expected of these type ads...in Spanish. This annoys the hell out of my sister. At first I thought it was just because she felt flustered that anyone else would dare speak a language she doesn't understand in her country (regardless of whether or not they are also fluent in English); now, I'm really thinking she doesn't like hearing languages other than English, period. I am considering learning German on the low, then bounding heartily into work one day with a "Guten morgen!" Then, I will speak nothing but German the entire day. To my employees, on the phone, to my own family and friends as well as utter strangers. Hell, I may just order Chinese food in German. It's such a, uh, bold language.

I've never been offended--truly, actually, deeply bothered--by a radio advertisement. But yesterday I came damn close.

It was one of those "phoner" clips, which is so effective 'cause, ya know, everyone uses the phone. A woman answers and a man's desultory voice announces to her, "Jenn, it's bad news. It's Dad. He has lung cancer, Jenn."

Then: "Don't let this happen to you. Call...." followed by a phone number and raison d' tre spiel for--well, that's just it. I was so taken aback that I can't say with positivity what this enabled. At first it sounded like OnStar, but clearly not. They help when people lock their keys in their car, and their dog is in there, and her head is stuck in a mayonnaise jar. LungStar? A search of this led me also to a Lung-Search, which appears more in line with a commercial warning about the risk of lung cancer.

Confusion over who exactly is to "credit" for this ad is irrelevant to the issue, ultimately. The cause itself is mega-righteous; the phoney phone convo related above that is designed to affect the listener? I made that call, five years ago when my father was diagnosed with lung cancer. Made it multiple times, in fact.

So what's beef? It's the "sell" immediately afterward, the "Don't let this happen to you" gentleman. He sounds like he's selling Ginsu knives. It's about as far from a serious, and thus respectful/respectable, pitch as I can imagine. Cancer is a solemn possibility for anyone, and to hear this yutz recite his lines like some zealous elixir jockey from the 19th century was an affront to decency.

Maybe if you heard it, you wouldn't see the big deal. My guess is that you would at least find it odd and maybe even a li'l tasteless. Let's see the frequency with which the radio station plays it, and if I become acclimated to it.

Hagerstown lung cancer